fresh beginning

Have you ever yearned for pain
Or sought malcontentment
Can you imagine chasing anger
Or envying resentment
Think of a time sorrow dominated
Your usual resilience
Now imagine that relentless calm ....
Is the enemy of existence....

Filled overflowing with empty....
Void of life but not dead....
Purposely numbed to the conflicts
Of fighting demons in my head
For months I have felt no emotion
Overtaken by the demons I know
Fighting their all consuming battle
For ownership of my soul....

A wounded child in grown man pain
There is a kind of quiet provided
Effective benefits wrapped in limitation
Offer an illusion of safety misguided
So I hide the child while I escape from pain
To protect him from the truth
But in the chasm between intent and impact
Hides a casualty of tortured youth

Time has shown the boy within
To my souls’ worth holds the key
And the locks I used to protect his place
Now keep his joy from me
He sits anesthetized in a room of despondency
Shocked by a revolting loss of innosence
Tasks checked with perfunctory completion
Days filled with imperturbable insolence
The kind of abuse he endured
While I nursed my petty pain
Left him hiding in deep retreat
From the man that I became

Why did I not say no at the first mention
How could I even allow this to begin
Why subject my value, my worth, my future
To lies of demons from within
Because I gave them authority
When I invited them come, sit and visit
I surrendered 8 years to their seizure
Thinking I’ll get it back when I miss it

But I was unprepared for the fight
Between me and demons empowered
This is my life and this is my soul
Never again will they see me cower....
With no pipe to bind me
Or mirror to numb
No green herb's boost
My words to make dumb

You now see a man
That has had more than enough.
I will not give you residence
I will not give me up....
To begin my journey of completion
And keep the demons I’ve expelled at bay
I must prove to the hiding child in me
My abuses are forever gone away

From emptiness we will walk
Armed with wit, charm and might
I will fight today, tomorrow and forever
I will not go gently into that dark night
When that mirror of truth stared at me
Revealing a shell of skin concealing bone
No reason to question emotions fleeting
Purity cannot call a wasteland its home
With a timid voice my vices acknowledged
To guys living with similar strife
With eyes of hope and redemption
The scared boy came back to my life
Daily we clear the battlefields
The young boy and I hand in hand
Renewed by self appreciation
An unwavering belief that we can

Still live the best life for us
Gratitude and respect overflow
For the chance to be the man
That we have come to know
These are my secrets revealed
The few treasured hopes that remain
In the beginning of my triumph
I stumble through rocky terrain
If ever you look up and find
Life has brought us to the same place
You’re looking at a work in progress
Who welcomes your friendly embrace....

>>>?<<<

So many people fear death. Would immortality be so much better?

Ponder

Imagination holds great power and intent is needed to harness it.

I see

"Research is immersion in the unknown. We can't be sure whether we're asking the right questions or doing the right experiment until we get the answer or the result . . . ." If researchers don't feel stupid that means they are not really trying.Sir, a+b^n /z = x Therefore God exists.

quote Billie emailed me. from Dr Demartini, again.

Idea

What I am about to propose may be suicide in one meaning of the word, but I have decided that over springbreak I am going to attempt to work ahead in 3 of my classes and finish everything. If I can type my papers, and complete my already posted assignments, then the remainder of the year will flow much smoother and allow more time for the important things. I came to the conclusion that I could either sleep and enjoy one week and then bust but for the next eight weeks (or so) or I could work hard that one week, and sleep more every night for eight! A pretty ingenius plan I declare.

Can Not Wait

Tomorrow, I get to go to Eureka Springs tomorrow to Kayak the Kings river. I am going to stop by a spa and get a massage so that I can deduct the entire trip. It was a brilliant hippie that came up with that idea. I have taken numerous trips that I have gotten massages and deducted the entire trip...

I shall post letting you know how it goes.

My brain hurts

Now that midterms are over its time to begin the wound licking duty. Shortly thereafter begins the cleanup duty, which consists of stepping it up in those classes that have slipped into the red zone. Hope everyone has fun in Panama City!

Midterms schmidterms

Slit my wrist with a spoon. Thats whats on the menu today ladies and gentlemen.

More Vitamin D Please!

Isn't this weather amazing? Every year it seems like the winters get longer and the summer seasons shorter. This prove to be hard for a beach rat like myself, which is why I am adjourning the the river today to go kayaking. I figure I might as well take adavantage of this illusive beautiful weather.

-- Happy Floating all

Hootie Hoo!

I have just made the most significant investment thusfar in my life. I bought a BMW 5 series. That being said, im off to wherever the road takes me. (potentially Florida) Chao...

More food for thought

Every individual is as old as their spine. If the spine is rigid so is the mind. If the mind is rigid so are the arteries. If the arteries are rigid so is the body, and you do not have life or health. The body is governed by the mind and the body, and the mind is governed by the soul or spirit. In order to maximize potential, the body must listen to the mind and the mind must be guided by the spirit. Inside us all is a wisdom, but our sensory input from the outside world tends to cloud that wisdom from the inner world, when all of a sudden the inner world/inner wisdom speaks and it guides you and directs you. It takes you to new quantum levels of thinking and action and you have healing. Don't ever walk away from tests or classes without saying thank you because everything you go through is just all a test to prepare you for being something great. Every class will serve you.
Question: "Why do I need to study the calculus?"
Answer: "The reason you study the calculus is not to measure the volume of a door, but to understand how to discipline your mind because you will need to do that to master what you're here to do on this planet. Everything serves to a wise person. They don't see any waste or mistake, they just see gifts. Your reflection is NOT in the present. What you see is manifest of yesterday's choices. Right NOW you are forming tomorrows reflection.

Billie sent me this,

Inspiration provided by Dr. Demartini: Inspirational speaker.

ohh the possibilities

I really am having a difficult time finding a med school that I feel best suites me. It seems as though the more I study and and learn about everything, the more people have bad things to say about it. its a bit discouraging. When you think you have found the perfect path, thats when you find all the postings slamming that career path, its quite stressful.